Things That Never Happened (At least in this Universe)

Today I’d like to post on a subject that’s a little different called “things that have never happened”.  If it should turn out I never get around to posting this – the subject would turn out to be really ironic.  They had a program on FOX called “things that were never built in Los Angeles, but were planned”.  There are any number of Freeways where this is true going all the way back to 1962 and completing the Long Beach Freeway through South Pasadena.   There is the completion of the Newport Freeway all the way to the coast.  It never happened.  There is the Pacific Coast Freeway itself, which was never built.  This leads to a story they took some time with and even Nora was intrigued when she was in here.  They were going to build a cosway from Santa Monica to Malibu- - where the coastline curves west- - and they were going to import soil for it either by “stair stepping the Santa Monica Mountains’ or else cutting off a chunk of Catalina Island and floating it to the mainland by barge.  I kid you not.  There was to be some inland lake and a lot of restaurants and other attractions on the jetti or whatever they call those things, along with the Freeway.  There was the Beverly Hills Freeway that was already planned for because of the way the Hollywood Freeway intersects with Vermont.  Most of the Marina Freeway was never built- - that was to go eastward along Slaucen.  I thought for a long time the Century freeway would never be built but in October of 1993 it finally opened up.  And then we have the Huntington Beach Freeway.  But there was this one building that looks like some abstract piece of French pastry that was to be built in the city of Downey on Firestone- - and all lit up at night.  And then the Disneyland monorail system was slated to extend much further than the very narrow confines of today.  Governor Pat Brown nixed that whole Santa Monica cosway idea in 1966 blue-penciling it from an approved budget of the State Legislature.  Of course today with the coastial commission and all- - such a fantastic proposal would never see the light of day.  

My feeling is that this whole petition before Congress for permission to bomb Syria, will never be approved.  It may go on record as “one war that never happened” just as World War III as Dylan talked about it in song never happened- - at least yet.  And don’t give me this line about how the Republicans in congress would never shame this President by turning him down.  Have you people ever read Jesus’ parable of the Tennants in the Vinyard?  It’s eye opening reading, you ought to do it sometime.  Never say what “someone wouldn’t dare do”.  You’d be as comvinced as I that this congress would welcome yet another way to stick it to this President if you watched Rand Paul on Meet the Press this morning.  I must say he laid out a pretty convincing case for not “going to war” alledging that our action in Syria might well increase the violence there and make it worse for those people.  It’s a premise I don’t accept because at the heart of it is sheer cowardice.  Because IF - - things DO get worse in Syria after we intervene, it’s only demonstration of how badly our help is needed to begin with.   You know how resolved the British parliament was that England not get involved in any new wars.  It takes little imagination to see how our own Congress could be just as dead set against war here.

Let’s rattle off a bunch of other things that never happened.  Sometimes things are absolutely planned for but still never happen - - such as freeway on ramps that lead to nowhere.  And as Tom Leykis once pointed out- - why do we have an appendix?  It doesn’t do anything but get infected and has to be removed.  What function does men having nipples serve?  And why do we still have 32 teeth like the great apes do- - when most often those wisdom teeth just have to be pulled.  Even the Beatles had their setbacks.  They were going to go some grand World Concert from some exotic location like Tibet that was to be beamed around the world.  Instead they perform crudely on a rooftop on a drizzly day till the cops shut them down.  Why did any of the Beatles even care whether it was Eastman or Allan Klein as their manager since they were only destined to remain together as a group for a few more weeks?    It was maybe a couple months later that John flabberghasts Paul Mc Cartney by saying he’s left the Beatles- - and to go back would be absurd.   Come 1970 people wondered whether Elvis Presley would ever make another movie- - a good one this time.  He never did.  Did I reconcile with my father after the debacle of mid fall of 1993?  We never did.  They never owned a computer while my Dad was alive.  My Dad never got into digital photography though we’d talk to him from time to time about it.  Did the church where I grew up ever get their big Sanctuary?  They never did.  Did we ever add on to our house as Mom and me had often discussed?  It never happened- - even to this day.  I have never once bought a California Lotterey ticket.   Of course I could fall into the Clinton trap of saying “Not one time” and somebody would ask “What about ten or twenty?”  Cute.   Have I ever experienced a power failure while copying a CD ROM?  It’s never happened.  Despite how bad Judy says I am about paying my bills- - have I ever once- - since 1988 ever been threatened with a cut off of any utility for failure to pay a bill?  The answer is NO.   Have I ever been caught in an elevator when the power went out?  No.  And I’m glad about that.  I have never had a colonoscopy.  I have never been the victor at the conclusion of a game of Risk.  I have never - - not one time - - had that “number game’ on my Radio - - come up three of the same number and thus “win” points.  It’s never happened in fourteen years and I suspect it’s programmed never to happen.  I never “accidently locked myself out of the bathroom” in my old apartment with that tricky lock where such a thing is quite possible.  People have long talked- - as part of our common lore - - of betting shocked from an improperly grounded electric guitar.  I have never gotten a shock from playing an electric guitar.   I have never eaten at a restaurant and then discovered that I alone or with the party was in- - didn’t have the money to pay the bill and we were all detained doing dishes or something- - if they still do that sort of thing.  So really many of us can thank our lucky stars for things that didn’t happen.

   Here are a couple more of more general interest.  Our government never again sent a man to the moon after December of 1972.  In fact the space program we had was scheduled for several more shots but these were terminated and rockets dismantled.  We could have had national Health Care in 1973 because Nixon proposed it.  Congress may have been willing but Ted Kennedy put the kibosh on it because he felt he could do better.  And finally we have the matter of Quad.  You remember that.  In 1973 RCA and Warner’s records came out with what is technically known as discrete Quad, as opposed to the system Columbia Records had- - which was just slightly more common.  I felt for sure that Quad would be the recording standard in a year or two, just as CD’s and Digital TV caught on quickly once someone actually came out with a workable system.  It never did.  In particular - - Eight Track tapes are peculiarly designed to be optimally suited to Quad- - because at last you’ll be able to play an entire side of a record without an interruption in mid stream.  This was the great albitros around eight track’s necks.

Interestingly if you believe our Metaphical therum that “Anything that CAN happen HAS happened- - in some other Universe” then each and every one of the things on this page has happened and IS an ongoing reality in some other aspect of the Fifth Dimension.  I wanted to talk just a little about Romulan cloaking theory.  I know there are jokes about “Well, your plan looks good - - In Theory - - “ those are the two damning words.   I told you I resolved the expansion of space problem I had- - with an observation of the lowly loaf of yeast bread rising and expanding.  And today to discuss the Romulan cloaking theory we have Melinda Lee and her little treaties on cheese cake.   Why does cheese cake too often have those cracks down the middle.  And as she has said “That’s why God made toppings- - to cover a multitude of sins”.  Well it does like this.   The center should be taken out before it is completely firm.  Maybe this has something to do with why newborn babies have holes in their skulls.  Because heat draws moisture out of things- - and in doing so whatever it is - - shrinks - - shrivels.  And this “pulling away” sets up uneven forces in the loaf.  As the loaf or cheese cake tries to pull away from the sides of the pan it eventually does- - but not before setting up tear fractures, somewhat like an earthquake fault, I’d imagine.   I have gleaned that Romulan cloaking is from a “warping out” of the established grid of our Universe.  That is- - our Universe as “God intended it’ is co-linear in the fifth dimension.  The Romulans found a way to cheat nature.  Picture if you will a type of “lyphosuction” for space itself.  This has nothing to do with relativity and indeed relativity is no cure for this condition – neither will it cause it.  But space- - like a vinyl record- - gets this “warp” in it- - that’s little short of impossible to get out.  The most likely analogy is a curbed basketball.  Draw a square on a basketball at ninety degree angles- - now imagine a really big basketball.  The curve would be much less but the principle would remain the same.  What is straight would be deemed as curved and what is curved is deemed as straight.  It’s kind of like “riding between lanes” on a motorcycle.  Now take any four lines and make one of them not co-planear  With ANY set of four points- - three points can ALWAYS be resolved to a plane.  There will ALWAYS be an “odd man out” and it’s your choice which point that is.  So “curved space” is kind of like riding outside the lanes.  Of course those selling bootleg Romulan Cloaking devices should warn people- - that a malfunction could rendered you stranded in a twilight zone existence- - for an unknown period of time- - perhaps a lot longer than you ever expected.  It’s one of those “accidents” that prudent vendors would try and protect or at least warn you against happening.  But how many people just get “disappeared” from using a Romulan device?